I’ve been thinking about this whole idea of children’s debt to their parents – the duty to care for them in old age, when they can no longer manage on their own. I’ve noticed that many people seem to think that by having grandchildren and raising them, they are somehow paying off the debt to their own parents. I really don’t get it… As if, in some metaphysical way, the energy they invest in their children and grandchildren spreads to the realm of the grandparents? That’s just nonsense. I don’t have children myself, and I believe we should take better care of the elderly than of children – because children have given you nothing, while your grandparents and parents gave you everything.
In my youth, I read Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and there was a line like: “Look at who surrounds you now – in five years, you’ll become like them.” The main idea was: surround yourself with businessmen, and in five years you’ll become a businessman yourself. I got really inspired by this idea and once even refused to visit a former classmate because she was a single mother – something I was terribly afraid of becoming. Anyway, I regret that now.
So why am I writing this? Later in life, I met all kinds of people—people at different financial levels, with different spiritual development, with various mental health struggles, even with suicidal thoughts. I think Covey’s principle shouldn’t be taken as dogma—that whole “success-only mindset, I only befriend people richer and more successful than me,” and so on. I think that’s a road to nowhere.
I feel closer to the Biblical ideas: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others,” or “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Because when you give desirably you will never have to.
In 1974, 23-year-old Dan Jury made a life-altering decision to move his 81-year-old grandfather, Frank Tugend, out of a nursing home and into his own apartment to care for him full-time.
Everything that you are will disappear after you pass away. Pride fades. Greed fades. Ego fades. Nothing remains forever. The only thing that lingers is the way you touched others lives with kindness or with harm. Choose wisely.
